I was in the living room this past weekend staring out the window while I was supposed to be dusting. I was watching a little boy playing basketball alone in his driveway and it hit me: I will never get to watch Olivia play...because I will never watch her grow. I began to cry silently as I dusted. Here is what else I knew but never truly thought about:
I will never see her smile but I'm sure she will from above
I will never see her crawl or move but she is free in heaven
I will never feed her, she will not need food
I will never have to buy her diapers or clothes, God has provided what she needs
I will never have to discipline her, she will never misbehave
I will never be frustrated by her, I will only miss her
I will never enroll her in preschool, or any school for that matter
I will never teach her to tie her shoes as I have taught her sisters, she will never need to wear them
I will never teach her to read
I will never hear her voice, she will never say Mommy or Daddy but she reminds me of her presence in other ways
I will never throw her a birthday party, but will gather with family in remembrance of her.
I will never know what could have been had she lived.
I do know that eventually I will meet Olivia in heaven, I will hear her voice, see her smile, and be able to embrace her.