Fall is officially here, and I love cooking in the fall! This has always been my favorite season since I was a kid. I love Halloween, pumpkins, indian corn, fall foliage, and Thanksgiving-a lot!
So, over the last three weeks, I have been overwhelmed with the desire to learn to sew using a sewing machine, make pies (this happens every fall-I love pie!), jam, apple butter, and learn to do some canning. It just hit me one day, has intensified almost daily since then, and I didn't know why until today. Today happens to be the 3 month anniversary of my induced miscarriage. Today, Aunt Judy's comment helped me figure it out. I had posted my desires for creativity on Facebook and her comment was that creativity helps heal wounds. I am wounded, I'm trying to heal. It makes perfect sense now, and although I kind of knew it in the far recesses of my mind, I guess I never really acknowledged it. I also read an article written by an OB/GYN who longed to have another child but was too busy to realistically get pregnant as she had a medical practice, books just published, a book tour, and speaking engagements. She said that her new projects using her creativity was like her new baby, that she had to nurture and see through to the end. As a result, she was at peace with not having another baby and she is now in her mid-40s so that plays a role as well.
I do want to be creative, I want to learn to do these things, and do them well. But, that doesn't mean I'm done, I will have another baby. Finding out we were pregnant again was a surprise to us, but we were ready to have three children in the house and we want it still. Olivia is always with us wherever we go, she has made an impact on our family that will never cease, if someone asks, I tell them I have 3 girls, and I will always include her when I sign our names in a card. (this is important to me therefore, I mentioned it) In the far recesses of my psyche, I had a feeling I would end up having four children. May the next little person we are blessed with be strong, resiliant, and may we be able to raise this child.